Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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