So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
