Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
