then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
