sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
