Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
