Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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