3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
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