So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
