When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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