his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
