I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
