if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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