I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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