Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
