Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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