i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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