Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
dude. I can hear the air.
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