I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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