Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
