I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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