I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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