I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
