she was so not down for the gang bang
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
where are you?
Hypothermia
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
