just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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