My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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