He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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