I hope mine doesn't look like that
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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