Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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