I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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