I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
try to milk me bitch
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