Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
