Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Randomize