I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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