"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
