garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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