I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
