Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
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