I feel great
I just peed on a car
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
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If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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