am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
