It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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