Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
