The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I did not marry a roomba.
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