You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
