God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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