Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
