scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
