My Higher Power is John Stamos
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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