She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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