i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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