She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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