I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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