Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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