Can i not drive my cunt home
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
