mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
