I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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