She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
