who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
