got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
