When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
