just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
operation harelip BJ is a go
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
